(DISCLAIMER: Normally, I only strongly suggest the video versions of these essays because they are objectively better in terms of story telling, and they are written for that medium; however, this time, I advise against the non-video version all together. This article is more of a transcipt of the video than anything, and you miss out on basically the enitety of what makes the analysis. Even if you have certain disabilities that make this type of text better generally, I still strongly recommend pulling up the video in tandem in another tab for the best experience possible.)
Who am I?
Who do I portray through this sight?
Let's figure it out.
But for now, let's see what makes me me. I'm going to be breaking things down into sections in an... unorthodox way. By camera. Seems fitting for a guy so invested in film, right? The main reason for doing this over say, chronological, or, I guess, alphabetical, is that it still tells things in order, and emphasizes just how much my equipment has impacted my video persona over time. Which is...after some reflection, a surprising amount.
This is my first video, my first YouTube video, and it was filmed on my first camera..a webcam on my first laptop. I used this method for, a long time actually and looking back it's insane to see how far I've come in 6 years. But more about my persona during these...laptop days. My style was, for the most part, exclusively vlogs, because what else could I do? I was also mostly restrained to the chair I was sitting in, pretty immoble, as I couldn't really swing my laptop around. On top of that, the frame rate was so low, and the video quality so poor, that if I backed up to much or swung things around, it would become a visual mess. So that's what I was at first, confined to a chair in front a webcam. And, you'll notice, it's what informed my persona in a way I hadn't realized until looking back.
The "Webcam World" made me appear lax, calm, chill, no sudden movements ot the video goes to crap, remember? So for a while, that was the image I displayed to the world. A barely 12 year old kid, who's pretty chill, and wears horrible hats. The hats, and coat for that matter, were a very conscious effort on my part to be like some of the big YouTubers, MysteryGuitarMan's glasses as an example. I thought they would make my videos have some form of consistency and coolness, which, of course, it didn't.
After a while of this, I got my first iPod touch. It had a front facing camera, better quality video, a much higher frame rate. All in one feil swoop, I was able to be much more animated. I could swing the camera around as much as I wanted, getting hyper close-ups or filming things away from me; and I could be infinitely more mobile, in fact: my first iPod video was in a store, not my house. These were the "iFlod" Foundation days. Because of my shift in camera, my persona shifted again as well, I went from being chill, laid back, and couch-ridden to hyper, manic, and physically unboundable. I started to have an extremely fast talking, fast angled, fast video pace persona in my videos. Did this reflect me in real life at the time? I don't know. I think...in reality, I was somewhere in between "Webcam world" and "iFlod Foundation". My new, insanely active and speedy persona really came from the fact that since I was unable to do all of the things that came with my new camera before, I overcorrected and did almost exclusively those things. On top of that, this new freedom lent itself to some pretty experiment driven, weirdly executed, videos.
Later on, this was compounded and corrected in a way. When I finally got my first dedicated camera. A little point and shoot with no adjustables settings.
Heaven for my 13 year old self. From that point on, some of my shots were locked down on a tripod (or, temporarily, a stack of books), I began editing with either some default software or something slightly better than it, my video style was caught in a flux, and these things were immediately reflected in my persona. During the "Experimental Exsodos", my videos became just that, much more experimental. I started doing a ton of one off excersises in vfx, gaming, sketches and I started throughing out random, unrelated personas in each. My outward presence and video style was strangely fractured. While calm in general personas, they conflicted between video style, which conflicted with itself, which conflicted with my previous vi- ya know what? Let's move on.
After my insane faze of experimenting, and figuring myself out personally, much like I have in college, I got another new camera. This one wasn't a huge amount different, a camcorder with the usual improvements. But it did mark a change in my persona nonetheless. It was durinf this time, in which I collected everything I learned and started to apply in in solid ways. All of my shots were more specific, and I began to go through "The Concrete Caves". I started pulling at threads of videos I had worked on previously and expanded them into series's that I still work on today! My videos became more connected, and as a result, my persona did as well. I finally began to portray the more mellow, yet (hopefully) interesting version of my previously attempted selves. My personas accros videos were much more cohesive, because I trimmed all the fat, and figured myself out. During these days, I was trying to project an image of confidence and ease.
After that, was, indefinitely, my biggest turning point to date.
I got my first DSLR. That's right, removable lenses, adjustable settings, almost ALL the settings, manual focus, the good stuff. It was by this "Filmic Field" that I was proficient in editing and working on video as well. In this way, I was able to have a ton more control over my video work, and my persona as well. My persona went from a lingering sense of confidence, to a downright declaration of it in every video. I was big, boisterous, and blossomed, because I finally had the production to back up that type of persona. I could be who I wanted (a very confident guy with a good writing up his sleeve) and that was who I portaid. This was also the point in which my equipment started catching up with what I wanted to do with it. Make films. I was able to make my first short with that dslr and a slew of other filmic indevours.
After that, my first DSLR to get my second DSLR. A better one, one with even more control, the ability to take in audio from an external source, and better quality. This is one of the two cameras I have now, and it marks the beginning of the last chapter I have up until this point, "Afternoon Attitude". Once I got this camera, I immediately started pumping out short films as fast as I could. Over time, I began to grow a style and a taste for were I wanted to go so much so I eventually got to this. (Roll video fo name change).The whole time leading up to this, I was slowly forming a new persona, based in a reflection of my equipment. My films and videos were more introspective, sunset feeling, Bright Afternoon Production material, and as a result, my projection mirrored it.
I became less involved in forcing my personal self into videos, and when I was...am I suppose, it's a much more sediated feeling, conversational, relaxed me than before. That's the me you're hearing right now, that's the me that...well...the one I think is the most genuine. Since my first short a couple of years ago, I've been working to break down that wall between me and my persona. Sure, I still have energiticness in my videos, but that's just because I like doing them again. In a weird way...I think... I'm close to we're I started from. Its just that now, it's really who I am.
Written by: Merek Alam
11.16.16